i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
