how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
