im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
