Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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