Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
