Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
