too bad you live with your parents still
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
