drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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