i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
