The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
