I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
