My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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