so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
