who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
