PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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