Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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