He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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