I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
