i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
