Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
