idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
