I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
