remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
