Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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