can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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