Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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