it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
