My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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