The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
