That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
