I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
