awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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