I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
