We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
