I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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