i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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