he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
