it hurts more in the daytime
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
