Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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