I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
