Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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