Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
