he was CRYING into my vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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