So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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