Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that's an acceptable place to lick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
