Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
