Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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