I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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