we're chasing vodka with high fives
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
