I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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