made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
